The pounding started as soon as I put down the phone and pulled the sheets to my chin. Beginning as a mild buzz my heart started racing to a crescendo in the matter of a minute. Heart attack- was my first thought as I gasped for breath in the dark. Coughing can prevent a heart attack I remembered from an office email and tried to cough. As I surfaced for short gasps of breath, I started praying, ``Not today, please God, don't let it be today.''It ended as abruptly as it had started and all that remained to remind me of those moments was a heavy and sore heart.
I woke up Neeraj and said I had to see a doctor. I needed to get well before the flight. An ECG later, the doctor pronounced, ``Nothing's wrong, you must have experienced an anxiety attack''.
That was the first time I heard it - Anxiety or panic attack.
``Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, fear and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious trigger. Although these episodes may appear random, they are considered to be a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context, flooding the body with hormones (particularly adrenalin) that aid in defending itself from harm. Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most frightening and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life. (Bourne 2005).''
Frightening it was, and two more attacks followed in the following two months - once on my way to office in the train (I got down at Ghatkopar station and took an auto to Chang's clinic) and another time in the car on my way home (more experienced this time, I used a brown paper bag to breath.
The first thought that strikes you is that one is going to die - I later read it’s a common feeling during the first attack.
The next two months were hell when usually quite introvert I started to avoid being alone. Because, being alone meant sinking into depression - the amazing thing was that I could actually feel the pall of depression over my head.
Reading about the symptoms, made me more aware of an oncoming attack - those two months I lived through lots of mini attacks and the more difficult waiting for another attack.
Anti depressant pills were I decided not the answer as I had read it would lead to dependency. As time passed, I developed my own mechanisms to tackle an attack.
* For the first few months I always kept the anti depressants in my bag, just to reassure my mind.
* Instead of praying that I may not get another attack, I changed my thought process to What’s the worst that can happen. I will get another attack, but that’s not the end - I will ride it out. Convincing ones mind to face the attack in some way helps to ward off the feeling of helplessness that can actually trigger an attack.
* Keep a brown bag to breathe into. This helps prevent the hyperventilation (symptom of gasping for breath).* Whenever I felt like an attack was coming I would start humming or actually singing a tune.
* If you feel an oncoming attack in a crowd, start speaking to the person sitting next to you. S/he may think you are a weirdo, but what the heck it may save you.
*Seek the help of a psychiatrist/psychologist. And anti-depressants help, but don’t make it a habit.
*Read and educate yourself about panic attacks. This will make you fear it less.
Panic attacks here I come with a brown paper bag in my hand and a song on my lips.
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I had my first episode on February 24, 2007, around 3 am.
Resources:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/
http://www.psych.org/disasterpsych/fs/panic.cfm
http://www.apa.org/topics/anxietyqanda.html
